


Sevasey Oneshots

by Crazygurl



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23419960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazygurl/pseuds/Crazygurl
Summary: Sevasey one-shots.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 101
Kudos: 126





	1. In the moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #47- Moon  
> Kelly likes to watch Matt sleep with nothing but the moonlight.

Kelly was well aware of just how cliche it was of him to watch Matt sleep. But he didn’t care. There was just something about watching Matt with the moonlight shining gently.

Matt looked younger somehow. It was as if sleep melted away the cares that the years had piled on. And Kelly was looking at the kid he’d meant all those years ago. 

The kid who’d instantly captivated him with his blue blue eyes and amazing smile. Who’d made his way into his heart before he even realized. Who was and always would be the love of his life.

When Kelly watched Matt sleeping in his arms he could forget all the mistakes he’d made over the years. All the times he’d pushed Matt away when he should have held him close. All the times he’d kept quiet when he should have said something. All the time he’d wasted with nameless women that he could have spent with Matt.

Maybe that was part of why he loved watching Matt sleep. What did sleep matter when he was spending time with Matt? Holding him close. Soothing away any bad dreams.

“I love you Matt.” Kelly whispered. Only the moon was a witness to his whispered confession. Someday he would be able to tell that in the light of day. Until then he’d let the moon keep watch.


	2. Your Picture In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one knows but inside his turnout jacket Kelly keeps a picture of Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #20 - Picture  
> No one knows but inside his turnout jacket Kelly keeps a picture of Matt.

It’s a common thing for firefighters to keep pictures in their gear. Pictures of family. Hermman had one of Cindy and the kids. Boden had one of Donna and Terrence. Cruz had one of Chole. 

Kelly had a picture that he kept inside his jacket as well. A picture he’d kept tucked in above his heart for years. A picture that would reveal a secret he’d been keeping for so many years.

It’s an old picture. He’s had to replace it several times over the years. But he can’t imagine ever replacing it with another.

He’s so much younger in the picture. A carefree, happy smile on his face. But the focus of the picture is the other person. Matt’s smile is so big. And he’s looking at Kelly with so much affection in his eyes.

Kelly remembers that moment perfectly. It was the moment he’d looked at Matt and realized he never wanted to let him go. The moment that he’d realized he was completely and utterly in love with Matthew Casey. 

Kelly had never once breathed a word of how he felt. It was possible Andy had known. Sometimes his friend had given him looks although he’d never said anything.

Kelly had never dared to tell Matt how he felt about him. Matt was too important to him. He couldn’t risk losing him.

It was why he’d never been able to have a successful relationship. They could always tell that his heart wasn’t in it. Although none of them ever came close to guessing why. Usually, they claimed it was his fear of commitment.

But he’d been in a committed relationship for years. Even if it was one-sided. He’d known in his heart that he was never really going to go to Spain. The instant he’d told Matt and seen his face he’d known that. Just like he’d turned down so many opportunities to move somewhere else over the years. He was never going to leave Matt.

Even after Andy died the picture had stayed. He hadn’t been angry at Matt. He’d been angry at himself. And so guilty because of how relieved he’d been that Matt wasn’t the one who died.

He’d never tell Matt. But he’d keep the picture close to his heart forever. Hidden like his love.


	3. Natural As Can Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #45 - Natural  
> It feels like the most natural thing in the world to kiss Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very light on actual dialog.

In the back of their minds both of them had always known that there was something between them. There had been a spark since the first time they meant. Neither of them had ever done anything about it but over the years they both had wondered what it might be like.

They’d wondered what would happen if they got together. How would it happen? What would it take to make them speak up?

If life worked like the movies they would have come together dramatically. A confession after a near death experience. Making a statement before one of them got married. Something exciting and worthy of writing about.

But life wasn’t a movie. When it finally happens it isn’t dramatic. It isn’t the kind of thing people wrote in romance novels.

They’re watching a Black Hawk game at Matt’s. They’ve both had a couple beers. They’re laughing and having a good time.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world for them to lean towards each other. For Kelly to gently cup Matt’s cheek and lean in to kiss him. For Matt to wrap his arms around Kelly and pull him closer as he kissed back.

Their first kiss isn’t full of passion and heat. They don’t push each other down and start ripping each other’s clothes off. They definitely don’t have sex right there on the floor.

Instead their first kiss is slow and gentle. It feels comfortable. Like it’s something they’ve done a thousand times before. It feels like coming home.

It’s “ Yes this one, this one fits.” And “I’ve been waiting for this forever.” And “There you are, finally.”

“I love you.” They both whisper. There’s no need to wait to say it when it’s been true for years. It might not be a fairy tale love. But it’s solid and steady. A love that will last. 

Matt leaned into Kelly loving how safe he felt with Kelly’s strong arms around him. And Kelly marveled at how right it felt to have Matt in his arms. Neither said anything more. They didn’t need to.

Words weren’t something they needed between them. They’d never needed them before to express their feelings and they didn’t now. They knew they were on the same page. “It will be this, this for as long as we can have it.”

They’d waited a long time for this. They didn’t ever want to let each other go. They were going to last for as long as they had left. It simply felt like the most natural thing for them to do.


	4. Protecting Your Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #23 - Honor  
> “I don’t need you to defend my honor Kelly.”

Matt was a very even tempered person. Few things made him angry and even fewer had the capacity to truly make his blood boil. It was boiling now though. And the reason was no surprise. There was one person that always had the ability to truly anger him and that was Kelly Severide.

The same person who was following Matt as he stomped out of the bar. “Matt wait!” Kelly called as he hurried after him. “Matt what’s wrong?” Kelly didn’t understand. 

Matt continued to ignore Kelly as he kept walking. He knew that if he stopped he was going to start yelling. And he couldn’t do that again. He ignored the voice in his head that told him that he’d have to stop at some point.

“Matt please?” Kelly was getting worried. Matt wasn’t talking and that was never a good thing. “Matt what did I do?”

At that Matt whirled around. “Really? You’re asking me that. You seriously don’t know what you did?” 

Kelly’s heart ached at the look on Matt’s face. Somehow he’d messed up again. But how? “No. I’m sorry.” Please don’t go.

“Just because I sleep with you doesn’t make me a woman. I don’t need you to defend my honor, Kelly.” Matt’s face grew flush at the remembered embarrassment of Kelly jumping to his defense. 

“Matt…” Kelly’s face crumpled and his hands stopped reaching for Matt. “That’s not…. I just….”

As much as Kelly can make him angry there was also no one in the world that Matt cared for more. Sighing Matt took Kelly’s hand and pulled him closer. “I can take care of myself Kelly.”

“I know that Matt.” Kelly whispered. “But every day I have to watch you in dangerous situations that I can’t do anything about. I’ve never asked you to stop. But I love you and it kills me to not be able to keep you safe. I just want to take care of you. I need to take care of you.” 

Kelly avoided Matt’s eyes during his confession. He wasn’t sure how Matt would take it. He knew the other man valued his independence. But when Kelly cared for someone it was in his nature to take care of them.

He’d tried to hold back with Matt. To not smother him. He knew that had been the reason for several of his breakups. His ex-girlfriends had said as much. 

He was so afraid of messing up. Of driving Matt away. He needed Matt so much. He couldn’t live without him.

“Kelly…” Matt gently tilted Kelly’s chin up so he was looking at him again. His heart throbbed painfully at the heartbroken look in Kelly’s eyes. 

“Oh Babe I’m sorry.” He kissed Kelly gently. “I didn’t know Kelly. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I can’t lose you.” Kelly whispered. “I can’t Matt.”

“Come here.” Matt hugged Kelly tightly. “I’m not going anywhere Kelly. I promise. But you have to talk to me okay. If you need something tell me.”

“Please let me take care of you Matt.” Kelly whispered. “Please…”

“Whatever you need Kelly. Let’s go home Babe.”


	5. Last Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #04 - Last  
> Kelly wishes Matt had been his first but he knows Matt will be his last.

Sometimes Kelly wishes he could rewind time. There are so many mistakes he’s made that he wishes he could make right. Mistakes on the job. Mistakes with people that he cared about.

Mistakes with Matt. So many mistakes with Matt. Not telling him how he felt. Getting involved with women to hide how he felt for Matt. Letting Matt get involved with Hallie and Dawson. Pushing Matt away so many times.

He’d made the mistake of not telling Matt how he felt when he first realized it. He’d made the mistake of pushing his feelings away for years. He’d made the mistake of almost marrying a woman he wasn’t really in love with. He’d made the mistake of pushing Matt away time and time again.

He can’t help but think about what it might have been like. If he’d asked Matt out when he first realized he had feelings for the other man? Would they be married? Would they have adopted kids?

None of those women had mattered to him. Sure he’d cared about them but he’d never loved any of them the way he loved Matt. No matter how he tried he couldn’t.

He wished he could take it all back. Take back everything of himself he’d given away over the years and give it all to Matt. Be able to offer Matt a whole person instead of just broken pieces.

He tells Matt that. Whispers it hesitantly with his face buried in Matt’s neck as he hugged him. A desperate apology for something he can never fix.

“It’s okay Kelly.” Matt promised stroking the other man’s hair. “The past doesn’t matter. We’re together now and that's what’s important.”

“I’m broken Matt. I’m broken and you deserve better. You deserve someone who can give you everything.” Even as he said that Kelly clung to Matt tighter. 

Matt gently moved so he could see Kelly’s face. “I want you Kelly. I don’t want anyone else. Maybe you do have some broken pieces. But so do I. And I think if we put them together we can make something amazing.”

Kelly reached out to touch Matt’s face with an unsteady hand. “I want you too. I want us to be together.”

Matt smiled gently. “Then we are. Okay?”

Kelly nodded. They might not be each other’s first date, first kiss, or first love but they would be each other’s last everything. That was enough.


	6. I'll Take You Off The Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #36 - Market  
> Matt’s ready to be back on the market after Gabby but Kelly intends to make sure that he isn’t on the market long.

Matt seemed a little hesitant when he told Kelly that he was ready to start dating again. Kelly knew why that was. First Hallie then Dawson. Both women had put what they wanted first not caring how it would affect Matt. 

Kelly knew Matt wanted a white picket fence ending. A wife, a family, the whole american dream package. He just didn’t make the best choices about who he tried to achieve that with.

Kelly was not going to stand by and watch Matt get his heart broken again. He hadn’t said anything when time after time Hallie had broken Matt’s heart by placing her career ahead of him. Then she’d come back when she got tired of being alone. Kelly was sure the last time would have been the same if she hadn’t died.

Then there was Dawson. She’d shoved her way in while Matt was still grieving. He’d let her of course but she should have known better. And Matt was so desperate not to be alone that he’d jumped the gun and proposed after a few months.

And then she’d left him too. Matt had done everything she asked him to. Completely supported her. And she’d left him. 

Kelly was not about to let Matt’s relationship with Gabby become the same as what Hallie’s had been. Spending his life waiting on the sidelines until she decided she needed him again. Being alone because he was holding out hope that she’d take him back.

Matt deserved better. Matt deserved someone who would put him first. Someone who would always do their best to make him happy. Someone who would love and support him no matter what.

And Kelly knew he was that person. He hadn’t been before. He’d been too focused on ignoring what he felt for Matt by sleeping with every woman he saw. So even though he’d seen how Matt was treated he’d never said anything.

But things were different now. He was different now. He was ready to be the person Matt deserved. He just had to convince Matt to give him a chance. 

He wasn’t expecting Matt to say that he loved him back. No he knew Matt too well to expect that. But they were already so close. Kelly truly believed that Matt could love him. He only had to open Matt’s eyes to the possibility.  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
Kelly had decided to simply tell Matt how he felt. Matt appreciated honesty. Now he just had to get the words out. Easier said than done though. But he had to.

“Kelly what is it? You’re making me nervous.” Matt had rarely seen the other man so anxious.

“I don’t think you should date.” Kelly blurted out. He immediately cringed. That was not what he meant to say. 

Matt frowned. “What? Why not?” Did Kelly not think he was ready.

Just tell him. “Date me.” For possibly the first time in his life, Kelly flushed with embarrassment. This was not what he’d wanted to say. He’d wanted to be articulate and persuasive. 

Matt froze and stared at Kelly. He just stood there staring while Kelly got more and more agitated. Finally, he spoke. “What?”

Words came pouring out before Kelly could stop himself. “Date me. You should date me. We’d be so good together Matt. I know it. Please just give me a chance.”

Matt didn’t say anything. Kelly’s heart sank. Had he been too confident? He’d thought Matt would at least be willing to try but maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe he’d screwed up and lost his best friend.

“Do you mean that?” Matt asked softly. “Do you really mean that? Because I can’t do this and have you change your mind. I wouldn’t be able to have you and then lose you.”

Kelly’s heart leapt. “I mean it. I want this. I want you. I have for years. I can be the person you deserve Matt. I know I can. Just please give me a chance.”

Matt smiled softly. “You’ve always had a chance Kelly. All you ever had to do was ask.” 

Kelly beamed and pulled Matt close. “You won’t regret this Matt. I swear.” Finally, they were together. Both of them off the market.


	7. Can’t Bear To Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #32 - Farwells  
> Kelly pressed his hand to the cold stone as he said farewell to the love of his life.

The stone was cold underneath Kelly’s fingers. The newly fallen snow freezing on his fingers. Yet he couldn’t let go. Couldn’t move in his hand from the one connection he had left to the most important person in his life.

Matthew Casey. Beloved Friend. Firefighter. Hero. 

Four words. Four words to sum up an entire life. Four words to sum up the most amazing person Kelly had ever known. Four words to sum up the person who had been his everything.

Kelly knew he should move. The funeral had been over for hours. The temperature was rapidly dropping and it would be dark soon.

But cold and darkness was all that was left for him now. There would never be warmth and light again. The reason for them was buried in the ground.

“Kelly it’s time to go home.” The words echo like he’s hearing them through water and he wants to scream. What home? He doesn’t have a home anymore. His home is gone forever. 

Gone in an instant. “Kelly I love you.” And then the fire had taken Matt before he could even say it back. 

He hadn’t gotten a chance to say goodbye. To tell Matt that he loved him too. That Matt was everything good in this world and he’d saved him over and over again.

And he just couldn’t bear the thought that Matt might not have known. Matt had said it so easily but Kelly had never been gifted with words. Matt always said that it was fine. That he knew how Kelly felt. 

But had he really known? Had he known that Kelly loved him beyond anything he’d thought himself capable of. Had Matt known that he was the reason for Kelly’s making it through the day. Had Matt known that Kelly wanted to spend the rest of his life with him?

There was a ring in a drawer that would never be used. A question they would never be asked. A dream that would never come true. 

Kelly sank to his knees. Hands grasping desperately at cold stone. He couldn’t let go. He just couldn’t. If he let go then he would have to say goodbye. He couldn’t bear to say goodbye to the love of his life.


	8. Shining Like Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #29 - Jewel  
> When Kelly sees the ring with green stones that match Matt’s eyes he knows it’s the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy all the fluff since I made everyone cry with the last one.

Kelly had been getting many odd looks this shift. He couldn’t blame them. He’d been jittery. Unable to sit still for more than a few minutes. And completely unable to keep the smile off of his face.

He was sure the gossip was in full swing about why. The speculation likely centered around what woman had him in such a good mood. But it would all be wrong. In fact, they couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The reason for his mood was hidden in his desk drawer in a little blue box. It had finally been liberated after years of being locked away in a safety deposit box. And hopefully, it would soon be on the finger of a certain blond Captain.

Years ago Squad had responded to an incident at a jewelry store. During the cleanup Kelly had become fascinated by a certain ring. The ring was light gold. Inlaid around the band were green gems. 

A few months after he and Matt had started dating he’d gone back to the store and bought the ring. He knew why he hadn’t been able to forget the ring. Because the ring was the color of Matt’s eyes.

Those beautiful eyes had been the first thing Kelly noticed when they meant. More than once he’d gotten lost in them. He loved Matt’s eyes.

They were so expressive. Matt could hide how he felt all he wanted. But his eyes always told the truth. 

Maybe a few months was too soon to consider marriage. But Kelly has known the first time they kissed that Matt was the one. He’d known the day would come when he would ask Matt to wear his ring.

And now it had. Now he and Matt could get married just like everyone else. Now he could freely tell the world that he loved Matt and Matt loved him.

Tonight was the night. Matt had been out of town and was coming back. Kelly had everything planned. He knew he didn’t have to. He was sure Matt would say yes no matter what. But he wanted to do this right because that was what Matt deserved.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Matt had been a bit surprised when Kelly said that he wanted to show him something. But that smile on Kelly’s face promised something good so he went without complaint even though his jet lag was killing him. They’d been walking along the lakeshore for about fifteen minutes when they stopped.

“Do you remember this Matt?” Kelly squeezed his hand softly. He wasn’t sure if Matt would. The day had been more important for him than for Matt after all. 

Matt frowned looking around. It was just an ordinary stretch of beach. Wait a minute. “That accident a few years ago. We lost the car over the edge.” 

“And you jumped in after it. Without a line or anything.” There had been a little girl still in the car. After a few agonizing minutes, Matt had surfaced with the little girl in his arms. 

“That was the day I realized that I was in love with you.” Kelly smiled as Matt blushed. “That’s why I wanted to do this here.”

Matt gasped as Kelly got down on one knee and pulled a small box out of his pocket. “Matthew Casey. I love you more than anything in the world. I don’t ever want to be without you. And I want the entire world to know that you are mine and I am yours. Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” Matt whispered with tears filling his eyes. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

Beaming Kelly rose and put the ring on Matt’s finger. “I love you so much Matt. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”

Matt smiled tenderly. “You already do that Kelly. You make me the happiest person in the world.” They held each other both admiring the ring that now linked them forever.


	9. Your Voice Calls Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> # 23 - Hands  
> Matt held Kelly’s hand tightly refusing to leave the other man’s side.

Matt held Kelly’s hand tightly. “I’m here Kelly. I’m right here.” He felt tears threaten to spill out as he looked at his boyfriend lying so still. 

They’d responded to a fire. Just an ordinary call. But on the way out Kelly had gotten pinned when the roof fell in. It had taken time to get him out. Time he’d spent inhaling smoke because his mask had been busted. Now he was on a ventilator. The doctors didn’t know when he’d wake up.

Matt squeezed Kelly’s hand. “I’m not going anywhere.” Matt hadn’t left the hospital since they’d brought Kelly in. They’d tried to make him leave when visiting hours were over but Dr. Halstead had intervened. 

Matt was still covered in dirt and debris. His skin was pale. And his eyes red. But no one had been able to convince him to even leave the room much less the hospital.

Matt couldn’t leave Kelly. He just couldn’t. He had to be there. He had to remind Kelly that there was a reason for him to wake up.

“You have to fight Kelly. Fight for me. Fight for us. Please come back to me.” Matt pleaded over and over.

He couldn’t live without Kelly. He’d had to once after Andy. The only thing that had kept him going was that Kelly was still there. Still within reach with a hope that someday he would get Kelly back.

If Kelly truly left him…… Matt knew he wouldn’t survive. It wasn’t a matter of choice. It was simply a fact. 

“Don’t leave me Kelly. Please don’t go where I can’t follow.” Matt hadn’t been to church since his father’s death. But now he prayed. “Please God. Please don’t take him from me.  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
Kelly felt like he was floating in the darkness. He couldn’t move. But he didn’t want to. There wasn’t any pain in the dark.

Then he heard a voice. A familiar, beloved voice that he would know anywhere. “Please Kelly. Please come back.” 

Matt. Matt was calling him. “I love you Kelly. Please don’t leave me.” 

Kelly knew that going towards the voice meant pain. But it also meant Matt. Matt who sounded sad and afraid. Matt who needed him. And Kelly would always be there when Matt needed him. 

So Kelly went towards Matt’s voice. As he got closer the pain increased. But he kept going. Matt needed him.  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
Matt felt his eyes fill with tears again. But this time they were tears of joy as his hand was squeezed and he was finally able to see the emerald eyes he adored again. “Kelly…” He sobbed with relief. A gentle hand brushed his tears away.

Later when Kelly was off the vent and in recovery he told Matt that he’d heard him. “I heard you calling me. You brought me home.” 

Matt smiled. “I’ll always be there to bring you home. I promise.”


	10. Talk To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #42 - Talk  
> “Please Kelly just talk to me.”

Matt didn’t know what to do anymore. He loved Kelly more than anything in the world. But since Benny’s death he felt like he was living with a stranger. 

Matt understood that Kelly was grieving. And he understood that not everyone grieved in the same way. But it wasn’t just that Kelly was grieving. Kelly was shutting him out. Pushing him away.

Matt felt like he was running into a brick wall repeatedly. Every time he tried to reach out Kelly pulled further away. Nothing he did worked.

And Matt couldn’t take it anymore. There was only one thing he could do. So he packed his bags and waited for Kelly to get home.  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
Kelly’s heart shattered when he walked in the door and saw Matt with bags packed. No. No. No. Matt couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t lose Matt.

“You’re leaving?” Kelly choked out. His legs shook with the effort to keep him from collapsing. He reached out for Matt before pulling back.

Matt sighed deeply. “I don’t want to. But I can’t do this anymore Kelly. I can’t keep beating at your walls hoping they break. I love you but it’s not enough. Not when it feels like you don’t love me back anymore.”

Kelly let out a sob and sank to his knees. He wrapped his arms around Matt’s waist and buried his head in Matt’s lap. The normally welcoming body felt hard and stiff. And Kelly began to cry.

“Please…. Please….” Kelly sobbed. Even with Matt in his arms he felt him slipping away and it was breaking him.

He’d never considered losing Matt like this. The possibility of losing Matt because of the job was always present in the back of his mind. Sometimes that possibility kept him up nights. 

But the thought of Matt leaving him like this had never crossed his mind. They’d been together for years. They’d had a rough patch after what happened with Andy but even then they’d never actually broken up.

Kelly had always thought they simply loved each other too much. Other people’s relationships might come and go but not theirs. They were forever. No matter what happened.

Except Kelly had been wrong. Because Matt had had enough of him. Matt wasn’t happy anymore. Matt thought that Kelly didn’t love him.

“Anything. I’ll do anything.” Kelly pleaded. He’d crawl through all of Chicago on his hands and knees if it meant that Matt would stay.

Matt wasn’t unmoved by Kelly’s pleading. How could he be? He’d been telling the truth when he said that he loved Kelly after all. “Please Kelly just talk to me.”

And Kelly did. He told Matt everything. About the argument he’d had with his dad before he died. About the guilt he felt. How he kept pushing it down because he felt he had to be okay.

Matt listened. He held Kelly as he cried. They were finally talking. Everything would be okay.


	11. We're A Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #23 - Child  
> Matt loves watching Kelly with children.

Matt loved watching Kelly with children. The other man thought that he wasn't good with kids. He was wrong though. 

Kelly was amazing with kids. Matt had known that since Ben Darden was born and Kelly had taken to his role of godfather with a single-minded determination that Kelly usually reserved only for firefighting. He’d baby proofed his entire apartment just for when he was babysitting. Matt suspected he’d read more parenting books than Andy had.

Kids seemed to bond with Kelly automatically. If you asked the kids who came to the firehouse Kelly was who they remembered. And Kelly always remembered them. 

Matt loves kids too. He’d always wanted to be a father. But Kelly, Kelly had been born to be a father even if he didn’t think he could be. 

And Matt wasn’t the only one who thought so. A few weeks ago they’d responded to a car accident. The driver had been a pregnant woman who’d gone into premature labor. Kelly had delivered the baby boy. 

And since then Kelly had been visiting the hospital every day. He hadn’t told Matt but Matt knew. And all the nurses had told him how good he was with him. Several other parents to assuming Kelly was the Father.

So Matt had called Jay and he did some checking. There were no other relatives. When the baby was healthy enough he’d be out into the system. There was a good chance he’d be adopted. 

But Matt had been there when Kelly found out that Renee wasn’t carrying his baby. He’d seen how devastated Kelly was. He’d been there when Kelly had given away all the baby things he’d bought. 

Matt walked into the Nursery. “Hey Sev.” He laughed as Kelly nearly fell out of the chair.

“Matt….” Kelly flushed. He hadn’t meant to keep his visits a secret from Matt. But he knew how Matt felt about not following up after they left the scene. Although Matt didn’t follow that all the time either. He hadn’t wanted to hear Matt tell him to stay away.

“Kelly I’m not mad.” Matt said softly. “How could I be mad at you for wanting to make sure he was okay. I know you.” 

Matt pulled an envelope out of his pocket. “So I did some checking. There’s no family in the picture. This little guy is going up for adoption.” Matt sent the envelope next to Kelly. “I got the paperwork. We just have to sign it to get things started.”

Kelly stared at Matt with wide eyes. “What? I don’t understand.” Matt couldn’t be saying what it sounded like.

“Kelly Severide do you want to have a baby with me?” Matt’s eyes sparkled with laughter. “Clear enough?”

“You really want that with me?” Kelly whispered. They’d never talked about it. That was something Kelly had been afraid to bring up for fear that it would result in fighting like with Hallie.

Matt sighed with fond exasperation. “Kelly you know I want kids. And don’t tell me you don’t want them too. We were always going to end up here at some point. Unless you thought I was going to go off and find some woman to have a kid with.”

At Kelly’s silence Matt’s heart thumped painfully. “Oh Kelly. I love you.”

“I know you do Matt. I know that. But I love you too and I want you to be happy. To have everything you want.” Even if it isn’t with me.

“I am happy Kelly.” Matt assures him. “And I can have everything I want. I want you and me and a couple of kids. What do you say?”

Kelly’s eyes sparkled with tears. “I love you Matt.” He then turned his attention to the baby in his arms as he started to fuss. “Sshhh Bud. It’s okay.”

Matt’s eyes were filled with tenderness as he watched the two of them. Yes this was what he wanted. “What’s his name?”

“He doesn’t have one yet. His mom didn’t have time to give him one.” Kelly ducked his head shyly. “But if he’s going to be ours then what do you think of Andy?” He whispered. 

“I think that’s perfect. Andrew Kelly Casey-Severide.” Matt leaned over looking at him. “Hi Buddy. Welcome to the family.”


	12. I'm The Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #21 - Fool  
> Gabby felt like such a fool as she watched Matt and Kelly.

Dawson felt like a fool as she watched Casey and Severide. She’d come to Matt’s house to tell him that she’d been wrong. That she wanted to get back together.

Severide’s car had been there but she hadn’t thought it was a big deal. It was late she’d just wait until he left. But she’d looked through the window and seen something she couldn’t believe.

Severide was there all right. Curled up on the couch with Matt. It wasn’t that they were both sitting on the couch. No, what they were doing could only be described as cuddling. 

Severide was stretched out on the couch. Matt was leaning against him. His head resting on Severide’s chest as he looked at the tv. Severide was running his hand through Matt’s hair. One arm wrapped around Matt keeping him close.

Severide wasn’t looking at the tv. No, Severide was looking at Matt. There was the fondness in his eyes that Dawson was familiar with. But this time there was something more. 

Love. Severide was looking at Matt like Matt was his entire world. Like Matt was some priceless treasure. Gabby felt something tighten in her chest.

Then Matt shifted so he was looking at Severide. And there was something on Matt’s face. Complete adoration. Matt had never looked at her like that. Not once in all the time they’d been together.

If he had she would have remembered. The softness in his eyes. The smile on his face. Those were unforgettable. 

The two men leaned towards each other. Their lips meant. It was obvious this wasn’t the first time they’d done it. There was a familiarity in their movements. An intimacy that spoke of many such shared moments like that. 

A tear rolled down Dawson’s face. She’d assumed Matt would be there when she wanted him back. She’d been wrong. She’d lost him or maybe she’d never really had him. Either way she was a fool.


	13. You Are Not A Bother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #42 - Bother  
> Matt hates to bother people with his problems but Kelly doesn’t give him a choice.

Kelly knew that Matt wasn’t used to talking to anyone about his problems. There were several reasons for that. He wasn’t used to having anyone he could rely on. And he didn’t want to be a bother. 

Kelly and Andy had done their best to change that. Mostly with a lot of forcing Matt to accept their help. He’d gotten better over the years but it was still hard for Matt to admit his problems to anyone.

Things were different now though. He and Matt weren’t just friends and brothers anymore. Now they were something more. 

And Kelly was getting to see what Matt’s previous relationships had been like. It wasn’t a nice picture. He’d always known Matt would do anything for the people he cared about. But now Kelly realized that Matt didn’t expect the same thing in return. 

Everything was about him. From where they went to eat to what movies they saw. Matt chose everything based on what Kelly liked or wanted. It was always about Kelly and never about him. 

A relationship couldn’t work like that. Not a healthy one. Kelly had to make Matt see that. He just didn’t know how.   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Matt couldn’t bear the look on Kelly’s face. He looked so hurt. It was killing him. “I’m sorry.”

Kelly sighed. “I don’t think you even know what you’re apologizing for.” Kelly pulled a chair over to the side of Matt’s bed and sat down. 

“I got hurt.” Matt said hesitantly. Why else would Kelly be upset?

“This guy’s been harassing you for weeks. And it took you ending up in the hospital for you to tell me. Why Matt?” Kelly asked, waving his hands in frustration. 

“I knew I could handle it.” Matt grumbled. He wasn’t a child. He could take care of himself.

“But you don’t have to!” Kelly cried in frustration. “Not by yourself. That’s why I’m here.” Kelly put his head in his hands. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore Matt. I want to be there for you but you won’t let me. A relationship has to go both ways.”

Kelly lifted his head up. His red rimmed eyes indicated what he’d been doing when his head was bowed. “I love you Matt. Why won’t you let me be there for you? Why won’t you let me in?”

Matt reached for Kelly grabbing his hand. “I love you too Kelly.” He squeezed Kelly’s hand tightly. “I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

“Baby…” Kelly reached out touching Matt’s cheek gently. “You aren’t going to lose me.”

“Everyone leaves. I’m too needy. Too clingy. I try not to be but they always leave.” Tears rolled down Matt’s face as he thought of all the people who’d left him. His mom, his sister, Hallie, Gabby. 

If Kelly left it would break him. He’d been in love with him for so long. He couldn’t lose him. So he’d been trying desperately to be enough for Kelly to stay. To never be a bother to his boyfriend,

“Matt…” Careful of Matt’s injuries Kelly pulled the blond into a firm hug. “I’m not going to leave you. You hear me? I’m never leaving you.” Kelly’s voice was firm leaving no room for doubt.

Matt still couldn’t believe him. He shook his head, not meeting Kelly’s eyes. “You say that now. But what happens when you get tired of me? When it becomes too much of a bother to deal with all my problems?”

“Never going to happen.” Kelly gently tilted Matt’s chin up. “Let me see those pretty eyes Baby.” He smiled when Matt’s eyes fluttered open. “There you are.”

Matt shivered as a calloused thumb stroked his cheek. It was always overwhelming to be the sole focus of Kelly’s attention. But now when he was hurt and emotionally raw from his confession it was simply too much. “Kelly…” He sobbed.

“Ssshhh.” Kelly gently brushed away his tears. “You don’t have to be afraid Matt. I’ll never leave you. I’ll never get tired of helping you with every problem you have. You aren’t a bother Sweetheart. You’re the love of my life.”

“Oh.” Matt gasped. “Kelly…” More tears came. But this time tears of joy. “You’re the love of my life too Kelly. It’s always been you.”

Kelly smiled as he kissed Matt. They were going to be okay. Of course, they were.


	14. I Used To Wonder (Now I Know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #04 - Wonder  
> Kelly wonders sometimes why Matt chose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super mushy.

Kelly tried not to think about it. Most of the time he was able to succeed. But sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder why Matt chose him. After all Matt could have anyone he wanted. And yet he'd chosen him. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Matt when he said that he loved him. He knew Matt would never say it unless he meant it. Matt would never mess around like that. But sometimes Kelly couldn’t help but be terrified that Matt would change his mind. 

Sometimes Kelly couldn’t help but think that maybe Matt would decide that Kelly wasn’t what he wanted. That he would realize Kelly couldn't give him what he wanted, needed. That he would find someone better. 

Kelly had no trouble picturing Matt with a woman. A pretty, petite brunette. She’d have a nice, normal job like teaching or nursing. She’d want a lot of kids just like Matt did.

It was Kelly’s worst fear. Because he had no idea why Matt had picked him. Matt gave Kelly so much but what did he get in return? Kelly kept wondering and it was killing him. He couldn't shake the fear that each day with Matt might be the last one he would get. br /> ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
Matt could tell that something had been bothering Kelly for a while. The other lieutenant’s behavior had changed in the past few weeks. It wasn’t something that was obvious. Well not to everyone but Matt wasn’t everyone. He knew Kelly better than anyone.

The changes in his boyfriend were worrying Matt. Kelly was quieter. Much quieter than usual. He seemed sad all the time. The most telling detail was in their home life.

Matt could only describe it as being clingy. Even when they were home Kelly seemed almost afraid to let Matt out of his sight. Even if it was just going to the store. And the sex was different.

They still had sex. Maybe even more than they had before. But it was different. Every time they had sex Kelly seemed desperate for something. For what Matt couldn’t figure out. 

He wished Kelly would talk to him. He was here to help Kelly work through whatever was going on. But he knew better than to expect that. What he could do was make sure he was there for Kelly until he was ready to talk.  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Neither of them was a stranger to nightmares. So Matt wasn't exactly surprised to be woken up by Kelly in the middle of the night. But Matt had never seen Kelly have a nightmare like this. The other man was still. Hands clenched into fists. His face was wet with tears. 

“Kelly…” Matt touched his shoulder gently. “Wake up. It’s just a dream.”

Kelly’s reaction wasn’t what he wanted. “Matt…. Matt please. Don’t leave me. I’ll be better. I promise.”

Matt felt his heart stop at those words. Kelly was having a nightmare about Matt leaving him. That had never happened before. Was this what had been bothering Kelly? 

When Kelly let out another cry Matt moved into action. He wrapped himself around Kelly. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” 

Finally Kelly woke up. With an anguished sob he latched onto Matt. Unable to hide anymore everything came pouring out. “Please don’t leave me Matt. I know I’m not good enough but please don’t leave me.”

“Who the hell told you that?” Matt growled. “Who told you that you aren’t good enough?” His usual gentleness was gone. Faded in the anger at the thought that someone had done this to the man he loved.

“No one told me.” Kelly whispered. “ I’ve always known. You’re good Matt. Too good for me. You deserve better.” It hurt him to say but it was the truth.

Matt cupped Kelly’s face gently. “Now you listen to me Kelly Severide. I don’t know where you got that idea but you are wrong.” He stroked Kelly’s cheek gently. “I could never find anyone better than you.”

Kelly’s eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into the touch. “Why? Why did you choose me? You do so much for me but I don’t know what I give you.” He’s afraid to ask but he has to know. How else can he make sure Matt stays?

“Oh Kelly. You give me so much Babe. So much. You put me first. Always. You’re always there when I need you.” Matt places his hand over Kelly’s heart. “This is what matters most. You gave me your heart Kelly. Never once have I doubted that you love me. That’s all I need.” Matt kissed Kelly gently. “And I love you too. I know you’ll take good care of my heart.”

Kelly beamed at Matt. “Always. Always Matt. I promise.” He didn’t have to wonder anymore. Now he knew.


	15. Hold Me Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #16 - Breaking  
> Matt feels like he’s breaking apart and Kelly is all that’s holding him together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like this. It took me forever.

Matt felt like he was going to break apart any moment. Hallie was gone. They might not have been together anymore but he’d still loved her. And he hadn’t been able to save her.

The only thing that was holding him together was Kelly. Kelly had stayed with him the entire time. He’d taken one look at Matt after the funeral and he’d packed Matt’s bags and put him in his spare room. No matter how much Matt had protested Kelly had refused to leave him alone.

Every time he woke up in the middle of the night Kelly was right there. Doing whatever it took to calm Matt down. When the silence became too much Kelly was there to fill it. When Matt needed to cry Kelly was there to hold him. Kelly was always there. 

But it couldn’t last forever. Kelly had a life. He might have put it on hold for now but Matt couldn’t expect him to do that forever. Soon enough Kelly would be back to his usual activities. Nights spent partying and sleeping with beautiful women. 

And Matt would be alone again. If there was one thing in the world Matt hated it was being alone. Ever since his family had fallen apart he’d longed desperately to have someone in his life that he could rely on. 

Which was probably why he’d tried so long to make it work with Hallie. Even when it was clear that they didn’t want the same things. Because she’d seemed like his only shot at not being alone.

He could try again. Find someone else to be with. He knew Dawson was interested in him. She’d made that clear. There had to be someone out there that he could have a lasting relationship with. 

But the problem was that he didn’t want just anyone. Not anymore. No, these past few weeks had changed everything. He couldn’t settle anymore.

He wanted Kelly. He probably had since he first meant the other man. He just hadn’t understood what he was feeling.

Now he did. He loved Kelly. He loved him so much. He wanted to always be the one receiving the care and affection that Kelly had shown him these past few months. And to give Kelly his own unwavering devotion in return. 

But he’d never get that chance. There was no way Kelly felt that way about him. No way at all. Kelly was just being a good friend. 

Which was why Matt was here. Alone in his empty house. So very alone. Trying desperately to keep himself together. 

He had to be okay. He had to be. He couldn’t keep taking advantage of Kelly now that he realized what he felt for the other man. And every minute he spent with Kelly meant a chance the other man could find out how he felt.

He didn’t think that Kelly would be cruel. Or care that Matt was bisexual or whatever the label was. But he would feel guilty he couldn’t return Matt’s feelings. And Matt couldn’t burden Kelly with that.

“I just need a little time.” Just a little time to pretend that he was going to be okay. Just a little time to pull himself together. Just a little time to pretend he wasn’t falling apart.  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
It was after midnight and Kelly was nearly frantic with worry. Matt wasn’t home. It didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t at home. He wasn’t at Molly’s. Where else could he be? He tried calling Matt again and cursed as it yet again went unanswered. 

“God Matt where are you?” He’d thought that Matt was getting better. That he was going to be okay. But this said otherwise. 

Kelly was afraid. What if something had happened? He knew how upset Matt had been after Hallie died. He’d been afraid of what the other man might do. What if something had triggered Matt? Made him spiral down again? 

Kelly had to find him. Matt wasn’t alone and Kelly had to make sure that he knew that. He might not have been a good friend before but things were different now. He was different now. “I’m coming Matt. I promise.”   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
The last place Kelly had expected to find Matt was his house. Matt hadn’t been back there since the funeral. “Matt?” He called. “Matt…”

The other man was curled up on the floor. His arms were wrapped around himself as he shook. His face was tear stained. He was whimpering quietly.

“Matt.” Kelly knelt beside him. “Hey Bud. I’m here okay. I'm right here.” He expected Matt to reach out for comfort. He always had before. But instead Matt shrunk away from him. 

Matt tried desperately to calm himself down. Kelly couldn’t see him like this. He had to be okay. He couldn’t ask Kelly to hold him together.

Kelly was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do to fix this. “Matt please. Talk to me. You’re scaring me Baby.” 

Matt’s head jerked up. Baby? Had he heard right? Why would Kelly have called him that?

Kelly sighed with relief when Matt finally looked at him. “It’s gonna be okay Matt. I’m right here.” He reached out to Matt again and this time Matt didn’t pull away. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Kelly whispered into Matt’s hair. 

“B-Baby?” Matt tried desperately to stop the hope welling up in his chest. It couldn’t be what he hoped. It had to have been a mistake. “You called me Baby. Why?”

Kelly brushed a gentle kiss into Matt’s hair. He hadn’t meant to call Matt that. Not out loud. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about it. He’d been holding back from saying ‘baby’ and other things for months now. 

Something told him it was time to stop holding back. If calling Matt Baby had been enough to pull him out of whatever dark place he was in then Kelly would tell him. He’d planned to wait. He wanted to make sure Matt was ready but it seemed like now was the time.

“Because it feels right to call you that. I care about you Matt. I care about you so much. You’re the most important person in the world to me.”

“Shay…” Matt protested. He was sure Kelly didn’t mean it the way it sounded. He couldn’t. There was no way.

“Shay’s my best friend. You’re more than that.” So much more. Kelly pressed his lips to Matt’s gently. 

Matt felt tears fill his eyes. “Do you mean that? You can’t say it if you don’t mean it.” Please don’t break me. Not you.

“Of course I mean it Matt. I would never lie to you. Never.” Kelly promised him. “I care about you and I want to help. Please tell me why you’re upset Baby.”

Matt felt like he could finally breathe again. “I don’t want to be alone again. I don’t want to hold you back but I don’t want to be alone. Please….”

“Oh Matt.” Kelly hugged him tightly. “You’ll never be alone. Never. I’m always gonna be here. Okay?”

Matt nodded and hugged Kelly tightly. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t going to break. Kelly would hold him together.


End file.
